| Here's some Civil
Defence humour. If you have any more please
send it to us. If you don't think it's funny,
it's not our problem ;-)
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DEPARTMENT OF DEFENCE -----------
INSTRUCTIONS
FOR CIVIL DEFENCE.
ON
HEARING THE FIRST WARNING:
1.
PROCEED TO THE NEAREST BUILDING.
2.
STAY AWAY FROM LOOSE OBJECTS, AND DROP ALL GLASSES,
BOOKS ETC. IN YOUR HANDS.
3.
REMOVE SHARP OBJECTS, SUCH AS PENCILS AND KEYS,
FROM YOUR POCKETS.
4.
LOOSEN YOUR NECKTIE, UNBUTTON YOUR COAT AND
REMOVE RESTRICTIVE ARTICLES OF CLOTHING.
5.
REMOVE EYEGLASSES, EARRINGS, WATCHES AND OTHER
JEWELRY.
6.
UPON SEEING THE BRILLIANT FLASH OF A NUCLEAR
EXPLOSION, BEND OVER AND PLACE YOUR HEAD FIRMLY
BETWEEN YOUR LEGS.
7.
THEN KISS YOUR ASS GOODBYE.
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One night in Durow the chemical
plant explodes into flames. The alarm goes out
and brigades from miles around race to the scene.
After fighting the fire for over an hour the
chemical company president approaches the chief
fire officer, "All of our secret formulas
are in the vault in the center of the plant.
They must be saved! I will give £50,000
to the brigade that brings them out safely!"
With this the firemen attack with a renewed
gusto. Two hours later they still have not gained
any ground. With this the company president
offers £100,000 to the engine company
that brings out the company's secret files.
In the distance a lone siren is heard and soon
another fire appliance comes into sight. The
chief fire officer realizes that is the local
Auxilliary Fire Service. Much to his amazement
the fire engine races through the chemical plant
gates and drives right into the middle of the
inferno. He can see the volunteers hopping off
their rig and fighting the fire with an effort
that he has never seen before. Less than an
hour later the fire is out and the secret formulas
have been saved by this group of volunteers!
The chemical company president is so estatic
he doubles the reward to £200,000! After
thanking the volunteers the chemical company
president can't help but ask what they will
do with the reward money. The driver looks him
right in the eye... "First thing we do
is fix the feckin' brakes on that appliance!"
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First
Aid Course
-
Lesson 1:
Air
goes in and out, blood goes round and round,
any variation on this is a bad thing.
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